Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Twenty-Eight Days Later

It's hard to believe that Mary was born four weeks ago yesterday. It still seems like it was just the other day. Paradoxically, though, it feels like forever since I was pregnant.

I know every mom has it rough the first few weeks with a new baby, and I have to be thankful that it hasn't been worse, but I'd be lying if I said it hasn't been harder than I expected.

The first week went so smoothly, but after that...I still don't know what went wrong. I suppose I never will. One night, for no reason I can tell, Mary seemed to completely forget how to latch on. The next thing I know, I'm fighting recurring mastitis and struggling not to completely lose my milk supply.

Of all the things I tried to prepare myself for mentally before Mary was born, nursing difficulties never entered my mind. I took it for granted that I'd nurse her for however long. I certainly never guessed I'd have so much trouble doing it, or what a tough time I'd have dealing with it emotionally. I felt like such a failure.

And I've struggled with depression. I can't tell how much time I spent crying. Part of it is tied into my nursing problems, and the feeling that I've failed somehow, but a lot of it is just something about me that has an easy tendency to fall into the blues.

Still, things are better now. I haven't completely given up on breastfeeding. I'm taking Fenugreek and drinking Mother's Milk Tea to help boost my supply, and pumping when it's too painful to nurse. I took it pretty hard emotionally when I first gave Mary formula, but I've been reminded that what matters most is that my daughter is healthy and that I'm taking care of her the best I can.

3 comments:

Heather @ Not a DIY Life said...

Hugs, girlfriend! Remember to take it day by day. Mama always says that God doesn't have you go through a rough time without knowing that your experience can help someone else once you are on the other side.

Miranda said...

I'm sorry to hear that you have been struggling. Don't guilt yourself for nursing struggles or how low you are feeling. Take each day one day at a time.
All babies are different, we parent them the best we can, for what is best for them. This won't last forever, savor the sweet stuff and love your little one, AND yourself.
You will get through this rough time, there is a light at the end.
Praying for you!!

Muthering Heights said...

I'm so sorry...I have post-partum depression, as I have after each baby, so I understand a bit. I hope that Mary straightens up and nurses well for you!!!

As I said before, my oldest did the same thing for a while. I just had to keep trying with her...

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